About Me

’’’…LOVING ME…’’

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life, love, who I am, and the person I wish to be. All my life I’ve been told to be a good girl. To believe in one God, and in one way. That marriage is sacred between a man and woman. That it’s by strict rules that you must live so you’ll never fall from grace.

It is said the world is black and white, there is no middle ground, no rainbow up ahead. With idle hands does the Devil do his works. Up until now I never thought of any other way.

Here lately things have changed, I’ve broken the chains. I don’t know how much longer I can hide what’s been blooming inside me. I’m not the person everyone thought that I should be. I’m not Cinderella waiting for prince charming to come rescue me. I’m not helpless or brain dead and I wont bow down to any man or woman not even my momma.

I don’t live to meet societies standards no matter what the hell they are. I live in the color of light and I’m not trying to change anyone else, I just want to find myself. I’m not a Christian, I can’t believe there’s only one way to heaven. Maybe there is no heaven, how can anyone truly know. I have questions, and I look for their answers. I’ll seek them till I know what the truth is no matter what that may be.

I don’t believe the answers are in the bible, where everyone said it would be, I just can’t believe. As for love, sex, and relationships I should admit I find both men and women attractive. I don’t see anything wrong with how I feel. Men in makeup and high heels turn me on. The first time I ever saw a drag queen I got so horny I thought I would die, I was 16 years old at the time. There’s so much I want to experience ,so much more to life I want to feel every thing , and not have to hide in a closet locked up inside my own mind. I think its ok to love more then one person at a time. Why cant we feel whatever we feel . Why should we lock our hearts away like we’re committing some crime. Who’s to say were wrong . Or how high we can fly. My family wouldn’t agree , but that doesn’t change how I feel . How can a person be asked to draw line’s across there heart, to be someone different then who they are. And if my family cant accept who I am then they never loved me any way.

The way I see it if I’m honest with myself then my life has truly began. And I’m reborn a new creation. Maybe a happier one… I have to believe life is what you make it and therefore can only be what you want it to be in the end. So I have to make it right for me now.

I dictate my own destiny. It’s not some preordained thing like I was thought to believe. And I’m cutting the apron string’s. I’m setting myself free. My Mother gave me life, but she abandoned me at the age of fifteen, now she’s in and out of my world I never know when I’ll see her face.

If she read this poem she’d say she’s disowning me any way. But I’ve cried to many tear’s for her. Spent year’s Trying to be perfect so she’d love me so she’d know I was alive. And now I’m twenty six year’s old, and I’ve had enough of hiding who I am. And of living in fear of rejection .

I’ve got enough love in my life now that I don’t care if she love’s me any more or not. I hope to teach my Daughter’s that there’s more then one little winding road. The world is a big place and they can be happy if they choose to be… I choose to be. And maybe for the first time I might even look past all my many flaw’s and fall in love with me.

Please leave a comment. We are putting together a book with all her poems. We would like to see which poems every one on here likes, so we can place them in the book. Thank you for taking the time to read these writings and commenting. – Angel Dust